Is that an English test? You gotta be kidding me…

Howdy fellas, this post is gonna be in English because I think some of my fellow ALT buddies might be interested in reading it. Besides, it’s about English tests, so it’s kind of in-character to use English. And what the hell, it’s good practice for the English-challenged amongst you. Who knows, maybe someday my students will be able to read it too? Although I strongly suspect the smarter amongst them already know my feelings on the matter.

Enough beating about the bush, let’s get down to the heart of the matter. This week is the last week before the students FINALLY get a break from boot camp (err, sorry, did I say boot camp? I meant chugakko) and leave for winter vacation. Although for most of them, those two weeks will be just as hard, as they’ll be studying for their senior high school entrance exams (if you don’t know what that means, let’s just say it’s the nirvana of the Japanese education system). So, today, the teachers decided it was a good idea to run the 3rd graders through a series of such English tests from past years. Now while I am not a huge proponent of the entrance exam system (I’d have to be Japanese…), I do realize it’s here and that students have to go through it. So I mostly keep my mouth shut, after all, I’m here to help those kids, not to change the system.

Now having students do an English exam to see if they’re good enough for this or that school kind of makes sense, even to a dumb gaijin like me. What doesn’t make sense though, is the absurdity of the English used in those tests. Now I’m not a native speaker and I sometimes make stupid mistakes… and I understand that even English teachers in Japan sometimes a very limited grasp of the language, but you’d think that in Senior Highs, things would be a little better. Heck, you’d think they’d have enough money (and brains) to hire a translator or a foreign ALT to check it. Apparently, they don’t. So enough bitching, I’m going to show you bits of the reading comprehension part from one of the tests my 3 nen sei had to suffer through. And this one apparently came from a private senior high.

“I got back to Japan on April 28. I miss you very much. Thank you for everything during our stay in America. You gave me a wonderful time.

When I visited Montana, it was very cold outside, but we could see beautiful sky. I thought there were lots of exciting ways to have fun in Montana. When I went hiking in the mountain with your family, I saw some pretty flowers and some cute animals on the way.

My favorite thing was fishing in the river. It was so nice. when you and I went fishing and we ate the fish for lunch, I thought it was very delicious. I loved Montana’s beautiful nature.

Also, I had a lot of good experiences in your school. When I wet to your class, some students spoke to me in English. I couldn’t understand their English but they were very kind to me. Some students spoke to me in Japanese or spoke english very slowly. So I could get communication with them. I taught them some Japanese words because they were interested in studying Japanese.

If you have a chance to come to Japan, please visit Kumamoto. I can take you to famous places in our city. Kumamoto has many beautiful places and delicious food too. For example, Kumamoto Castle is about 400 years old, you can enjoy walking along the pond in Suizenji Park and Mt. Aso has an active volcano. People often take a hot spring and they eat raw horse meat in Kumamoto.

I think it’s very interesting to go to different countries. I hope to see you soon in Kumamoto. I want to go to Montana again some day too.”

Of course, the mistakes aren’t from me… even I don’t have that much imagination when it comes to bad English… I admit I’m being a bit of an ass here, because as far as Japanese English tests go, this one is not so bad. But still, even in Quebec, the only place in the world I thought could rival with Japan as far as English teaching is concerned, I don’t think this kind of test would pass. Heck, I even made some mistakes in some of the tests… Why? Fuck, I’m fluent in English, but Eigo is still a foreign language to me.

Oh well, bitchin’ about it is probably not gonna help, but, as I always say, don’t keep the bad things inside, let them out! And better let them out harmlessly on this here little blog of mine than blow an agression inhibitor at work and end up losing my job. And I can’t afford to do that yet, there’s still so much I have to do. (However the day might come… if it happens, I’ll film it I promise!).

Aaaaah, that felt good!